Healthy Connections Home

Not a Child, Not Yet a Teen: Weathering the ‘Tweens

Getting older is tough stuff. The transition into the teenage years can be difficult and confusing for children — and their parents. School work becomes more complex. Responsibilities increase, and the inevitable onset of puberty brings a whole host of emotional and physical changes.

Understanding what your son or daughter is going through can help you give guidance during these critical years as your child emerges into a responsible adult. Starting around ages 9 or 10, new hormones will begin raging through your preteen’s body. These potent chemicals affect body, brain and personality.

Changing Bodies

Almost yesterday, your little one was in diapers. Now, a mature young man or woman will develop. As puberty begins:

• Hair sprouts under arms and in the genital area
• A growth spurt may occur
• Acne may erupt
• Boys grow facial hair
• Girls develop breasts and wider hips

And, as these changes occur, your child may start to wonder if his body is “normal.”

“Because physical changes are the most obvious for kids, they are often a cause for stress,” described Tom Ljungman, MD, a family medicine physician who leads the Your Changing Body for Boys classes at Excela Health. “It’s common for kids to compare themselves with their friends. Either they see their friends physically maturing quicker or they notice they are the first to experience changes.”

He advised, “Parents can alleviate some of this stress by assuring their children that they’re OK just the way they are. It’s important to explain that everyone goes through these stages, although at different rates.”

If your child shows signs of puberty before age 7 for girls or age 9 for boys, or hasn’t developed at all by age 14, you may want to consult a doctor. Most cases of early or late puberty are no cause for concern. But sometimes another medical problem can affect timing. Parents should also watch for weight loss or other signs of body image or eating problems.

Changing Minds

The latest research shows the brain continues to grow and develop through the teenage years. As your child approaches adolescence, he’ll feel more independent. You might not recognize your child at times as he experiments with new ideas. He’ll probably express emotions more clearly, develop deeper friendships and voice a stronger sense of right and wrong.

According to Dr. Ljungman, an important component of Excela Health’s Changing Body classes is talking about responsibilities.

“There is more to growing up than physical body changes. Becoming responsible for oneself and one’s actions is part of the development process in becoming an adult,” he noted. “In our classes, we discuss everything from the importance of practicing daily personal hygiene, eating well and exercising, to getting a job and becoming a productive member of society.”

What You Can Do

Physical changes, emotional changes and increasing responsibilities make this a tumultuous time for the entire family. The most important thing you can do for your children during this time is to let them know you love them no matter what. Self-esteem will help your children ride out the rough patches, and much of their confidence is based on how you treat them.

Be open and honest in your communication. Although you might get frustrated with your child’s mood swings, step away from the struggles to acknowledge good behavior. Praise him when he shares, forgives or apologizes. It helps to set an example of kindness and respect in your own life, too.

“Most importantly, keep the communication lines open,” encouraged Dr. Ljungman. “Let your children know that everyone goes through puberty, including their friends. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and ask questions about things that bother them. Then encourage them to relax and enjoy the experience!”